I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
