I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
