Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
