According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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