Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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