I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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