i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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