ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
