my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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