guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Come share oat with me in your robe
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
