I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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