like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
