508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
