trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
