I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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