best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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