I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
not ubering you a puppy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
