Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
