I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
