i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
