there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
