Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
