Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
