apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I deserve this hangover.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
