i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
