Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
