I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
