I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
