Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
