i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
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Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize