Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
"it" just moved
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
