Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
