Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
