I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
