so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
