You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just googled if crying burns calories
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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