trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Terrible idea I love it
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
