Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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