Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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