If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
