he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
