Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
