they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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