Your tits are I can't wait for
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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