i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
