Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
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we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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