I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm always down for nudity.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
