So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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