i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
