fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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