Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
wow bdsm is so cute
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize