Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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