This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
