I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
