I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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