If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
