Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
