benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
