You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
