my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
