My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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