Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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