Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
