It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
