even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
