Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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