I wish you could order shots online.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Verdict: uncircumcised.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
