if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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