Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
