isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
