How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
