my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
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I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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