Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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