i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
