I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
