I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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