Your mouth is God's brothel.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
