Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
