Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
