I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
