Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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