Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
