using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
