i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have tasted many bathrooms
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
